Nobody Likes Onions - Recently Updated Pages

NLO 483: Robbin' Williams

nlo — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 07:55:39 CST

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Episode 371: Show Your Dick

BenWuLovesYou — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 03:25:04 CST

We’re in an especially festive mood as we broadcast live from atop the second floor of the NLO studios. We take your calls and partake in your concerns and opinions on the various topics of the day. We also invent a new kind of joke, that always ends in the phrase “and then I showed them my dick.” We talk about Christmas and the season a bit, and we also touch on some news stories that might or might not involve Kosher meats and/or bacon. We also talk about some forum drama. And then we show you our dick.

SHOW INGREDIENTS

Quotes:

Trivia:

Nobody Likes Onions 371: Show Your Dick
Hosts: Patrick, Roy
Date: 12-17-2008 Live: Yes
Length: 1:10:50 Size: 48.7 MB

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Episode 370: Whatever You Like

BenWuLovesYou — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 03:24:19 CST

One more week of shows, and then your beloved hosts get a couple of weeks off to have fun amongst themselves. Roy is headed home to the OK, and Patrick will be ferrying himself hither and thither across this great planet of ours. This show touches briefly on the topic of music, as we discuss the limited edition NLO audio CD now available in our store. We also talk about Roy and his life after marriage, after a particularly challenging voicemail from a fan. We rap the show up with some other fun shenanigans, and leave with Roy feeling inadequate, but Patrick reassuring him. We think it will be fine. If not, oh well. At least it was free.

SHOW INGREDIENTS

Quotes:

Trivia:

Nobody Likes Onions 370: Whatever You Like
Hosts: Patrick
Date: 12-(D)D-2008 Live: Yes/No
Length: 0:00:00 Size: XXX.X MB

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Episode 369: Blackbird

BenWuLovesYou — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 03:22:01 CST

In this show, we talk about a brand new web browser that has been specifically engineered for black people, to help them have a better web experience without interference from the white man. We also talk about the economy and what Obama is going to do about it. We top it off with some news stories, the most creepy of which features an Asian gentleman that has built himself a robot woman for companionship. He says he doesn't sleep with it, but we all know that the most important part on a robot woman is the same thing as the most important part on a real woman. You'll want to listen until the end of this show. We slipped up!

SHOW INGREDIENTS

0:00:00 – 0:00:15 – adameve.com ad
0:00:15 – 0:00:18 – Voicemail: Nobody Likes Onions got me laid.
0:00:18 – 0:00:54 – Intro music
0:00:54 – 0:01:46 – Patrick greets us, talks about female stupidity.
0:01:46 – 0:02:17 – More intro music.
0:02:17 – 0:08:29 – Apple fanboys are different(ly manipulated).
0:08:29 – 0:14:05 – Patrick's been wronged. Plagiarism!
0:14:05 – 0:19:19 – Let's get racial, Blackbird.
0:19:19 – 0:21:52 – Girls masturbate and are easy this days.
0:21:52 – 0:23:57 – Drugs are good and Roy is poor.
0:23:57 – 0:29:37 – Oil is cheap, Obama will **** something up.
0:29:37 – 0:31:02 – Patrick would like to **** Roy's wife.
0:31:02 – 0:39:05 – News: Sex tapes are expensive.
0:39:05 – 0:49:10 – News: Asian gentleman builds himself robot woman for companionship.
0:49:10 – 0:54:56 – Roy tells a story about the shadowy overlord of mail.
0:54:56 – 1:03:44 – Cringe moments.
1:03:44 – 1:06:34 – Out of time. Plugs, requests etc.
1:06:34 – 1:07:54 – More time. Out of the episode dimension. Myah or Myahr.
1:07:54 – 1:10:42 – Out of time again.
1:10:42 – 1:10:45 – Alright. Well, bye bye fans.

Quotes:

Trivia:

Nobody Likes Onions 369: Blackbird
Hosts: Patrick, Roy
Date: 12-12-2008 Live: No
Length: 1:10:45 Size: 48.7 MB

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Episode 364: That Old Gag

BenWuLovesYou — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 03:12:13 CST

It’s black Friday, and that means you’re probably not home to listen to this show. You’re probably in line at some stupid rural Best Buy so you can buy a GPS navigation unit for nine dollars less than retail. Hey, more power to you for your complete surplus of free time and eye for a mediocre deal. In this show we talk a little bit about standup comedy, we speak some really bad spanglish, and do a veritable cornucopia of news stories in our weekly news blitz. We finish off with some cringe moments and send you packing.

SHOW INGREDIENTS

Quotes:

Trivia:

Nobody Likes Onions 364: That Old Gag
Hosts:
Date: 12-(D)D-2008 Live: Yes/No
Length: 0:00:00 Size: XXX.X MB

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Episode 363: Turkey Time

BenWuLovesYou — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 03:09:37 CST

Happy Thanksgiving, troopers. On this show we talk about retarded people, fat people, virgins, and a guy that kills himself with a chainsaw. We also have a news story about a judge who tries to teach kids a lesson by making them listen to gay music. I don’t know if that is a good punishment or not. It might just turn a bunch of kids gay. Have a great holiday and eat some gravy. Or drink it. Depending on how thick the gravy is. Boom.

SHOW INGREDIENTS

0:00:00 – 0:00:15 – Adameve.com Ad
0:00:15 – 0:00:18 – Voicemail: "Hey, you just lost the game"
0:00:18 – 0:02:41 – Intro
0:02:41 – 0:04:32 – No show until someone apologizes.
0:04:32 – 0:07:48 – A.D.D. Monkeys mumble, nobody does anything right.
0:07:48 – 0:10:30 – Patrick foresees the show's end and his solo career in his dreams.
0:10:30 – 0:12:16 – More apologies, always better.
0:12:16 – 0:25:14 – Retarded people are funny, but can't sing.
0:25:14 – 0:26:40 – Dwarfs are weird, some more than other.
0:26:40 – 0:28:27 – Roy is a superhuman.
0:28:27 – 0:33:22 – Goverment to pay fat people to walk.
0:33:22 – 0:38:31 – 99 year old virgin.
0:38:31 – 0:44:14 – The hosts solve a teen's problems.
0:44:14 – 0:44:38 – Break
0:44:38 – 0:54:32 – Talk about love and boats (Roy's marriage is better since he got separated).
0:54:32 – 0:59:21 – Chainsaw suicide.
0:59:21 – 1:08:13 – Cringe moment time.
1:08:13 – 1:14:51 – Loud kids get loud lousy music.
1:14:51 – 1:16:31 – Caller, compliments? Roy
1:16:31 – 1:19:18 – Outro and plugs. **** the poor, give us some money, buy some **** and fling some poop.
1:19:18 – 1:19:22 – Alright, well, bye bye fans.

Nobody Likes Onions 363: Turkey Time
Hosts: Patrick, Roy Johnson, Chef
Date: 11-26-2008 Live: Yes
Length: 1:19:22 Size: 54.5 MB

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Episode 098: Feel The Rain

Anonymous — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 22:49:28 CST

Holy crap, I hope the studio has steel beams holding up the floor, because we’re five deep in this ***** and two of the people are chubby. And by chubby, we mean huge. Special guests Johnny B and Chef join the program to discuss everything from poker to prank calling. For over two hours, we dispense advice to a fellow podcaster, ponder the significance of the current middle-east conflicts, do bad impressions of President Bush and even get off on a comedy tangent relating to darker colored electronics. It’s interactive! It’s punbelievable! It’s more fun than you can shake a digital stick at! Download your copy today.

SHOW INGREDIENTS

0:00:00 - 0:04:09 - Intro
0:04:09 - 0:06:18 - Heat, Johnny B. and Chef
0:06:18 - 0:08:13 - Adam's lack of versatility
0:11:39 - 0:13:11 - More Johnny B.
0:22:28 - 0:23:45 The Diva calls in to ask about "private lessons" with Johnny B
0:29:55 - 0:32:30 - funny Vegas story
0:32:30 - 0:37:32 - funny Vegas racist story
0:38:03 - 0:41:14 - feel the rain
0:41:14 - 0.44:00 - Caller loves the feel of rain on his skin
0:44:00 - 0:55:39 - trouble overseas
1:41:47 - 1:43:34 - "My black iPod" joke
1:45:37 - 1:46:01 - Dom from Maine fails at his "My black iPod" joke
1:46:01 - 1:46:11 - "My black iPod" joke
1:46:11 - 1:48:03 - "My black iPod" joke
1:48:03 - 1:49:41 - "My black iPod" joke
1:49:41 - 1:50:38 - "My black iPod" joke
1:50:38 - 1:51:07 - Failed "My black iPod" joke
1:51:07 - 1:52:10 - Failed "My black iPod" joke
1:52:10 - 1:52:39 - Repeated "My black iPod" joke
1:52:39 - 1:54:52 - Dom from Maine and his "My black iPod" joke
1:54:52 - 1:55:15 - Repeated "My black iPod" joke
1:55:15 - 1:56:09 - Dom from Maine and his "My black iPod" joke
1:56:09 - Caller comments about Tony Gauds stand up act

Last edited in December 2009 by Dusen, new listener.

Quotes:

0:33:28 - Johnny B (recounting what Patrick said to a bum at a Burger King drive-thru) - "Wassup NUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

0:35:07 - Patrick (mocking a black Caribbean Stud dealer who was hitting on three hot girls) - "Jus' gimme three-four minutes, she be wantin' ta marry a nucka!"

Nobody Likes Onions 98: Feel The Rain
Hosts: Patrick, Hollywood Adam, Johnny B, Chef, Tony Gaud
Date: 7-20-2006 Live: Yes
Length: 2:16:13 Bit Rate: 96kbps
Size: 93.7 MB Stereo: Yes

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NLO 472: Sharpie Face

Anonymous — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 19:18:26 CST

The "bacon in the muffin tin" thing is here Stacey Snacks

Episode 265: Windshear

EazyCheeze — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 14:12:48 CDT

Happy 2008, kids. We kick off the year with a super boring show. In this episode, Chef and Patrick recap their Vegas adventure. It includes Arabs, a detailed description of the Memphis airport, and almost dying as they landed in Las Vegas. It’s a thrill ride with tangents and unimpressive stories. You’re still going to listen, though. Mostly because you haven’t had a show in two weeks, and you’d probably listen to a recording of a dog sleeping right now. We so own you.

SHOW INGREDIENTS

Memphis Tenesee Airport
Jazz singer at Rhythms
Upgrading class on Northwest Airlines
Weight balancing on planes
Windshear - scary planelanding incident
Turbulence
Shooby picking up Patrick and Chef
Kids in Vegas
Getting a room at The Wynn
Playing poker at The Venician
The Wynn Gold Course
MGM dinner buffet with Shooby
News story: Men claim buffet eatery banned them
JB terrorizing buffets back in the day
Blackjack/Chef's Bad Luck
The Penn and Teller show
The double bullet catch
Magic
News story: Dane Cook setting new record
Mitch Hedberg
Lynn Shawcroft
Meeting up with fans in Vegas (Chris, Sean, Brice, and Austin)
Letter: Kelly - Dreaming of Patrick

Quotes:
Patrick: Walking down a terminal at the memphis airport is like walking down sesame street, and at any gate, at any moment, a puppet show could break out. 2:44

Patrick (refferring to Rhythms Jazz singer): Yes, you have to have a ticket to see you, but it's a plane ticket! 4:46

Patrick: The point is, he sucked, he was loud
Chef: and he was dilusional! 5:19

Chef: A volume adjuster, or a baseball bat. Also known as a volume adjuster if you hit him just right. 5:44

Johnny: He's a proffesional!
Patrick: Professional ******!
Johnny: Maybe? 8:06

Chef: I don't think an extra 600 pounds of men
Johnny: It ain't gonna work. 8:18

*Random Computer noise*
Chef: Oh, that's the sound effect that plays when you interrupt us talking. 8:42

Patrick: People I emplore you to listen to what the story. 16:26

Patrick: And I go "Oh good, there's the runway"
Chef: And I say "We're not down yet" 18:16
Patrick: And about that time *tells Windshear story*

Patrick: We're sideways, above cement, in a flying machine. 21:21

Chef: This is your captain speaking: Sorry. 23:58

Patrick: You are a ******* stump of wood, sitting there like "Hope I die, I'm Eeyore "Oh Gosh"". 25:25

Patick: And it's not planes comin in from two directions hope we don't hit! 26:09

Patrick: My phone caused wind shear! 26:45

Patrick: He said the words "we're gonna try to land" 28:21

Johnny: You're gonna have to ask when you order your ticket "We do land, right?" 29:14

Refrences:
Chef's line "I'm feeling much better" around 32:40 is a refrence to the old dying man in Monty Python and the holy grail.

Nobody Likes Onions 265: Windshear

Hosts: Patrick, Johnny B, Chef
Length: 1:11:04 Bit Rate: 96kbps
Size: 48.9 MB Stereo: Yes

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Help Out

Anonymous — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 03:52:05 CDT

Welcome to the NLO wiki. There is always going to be stuff to do to improve the site, and this page was created to help organize our efforts to make it be the best it can be. We will have a cannon for how to format and what to include, a general to-do list, what needs updating, sections that need creation, and lots of other tasks. Due to the huge amount of content which currently needs creating here, anyone who can should feel free to create anything they feel is appropriate to the show. Anytime you are bored and would like to contribute, come here and see what you feel like doing.

To Do

Hosts

Pages on ALL of the shows Guests and Hosts need seriously expanding or creating. Including Memorable Quotes and information on what they bring to the show.

Fans

If still need to add some more of the notorious fans. People like Ralph, Shooby, Becca, Jbob, ScottMaximus, Levendus etc. This can be useful as a reference to people who are mentioned in the show and someone would like to know their backstory. Let's please not degrade this section into a place for self-praise or petty drama with fans you may or may not like.

Show Notes

All past episodes need complete notes. Currently each one is just info copied directly from the podcast feed, which is a bit ****** and pointless to be honest. Ideally, subjects discussed on each show should be listed under a "Show Content" section for each page, and should include a description of what happened in the segment.
- I beleive that we should keep the original feed info in as a summary of the show notes, then just include ours under that.

When writing up show notes, try to include a time reference as often as possible. Put one in at the start of a new segment, a memorable phrase, and any other place you feel is appropriate.
Make sure to tag each episode page with things that was talked about in the show. Take a look on the latest episodes to get a picture of what to tag.
For formatting instructions, go here.

Note from Patrick: Each episode show notes are starting to look good. There are some formatting issues, bolding, underlining, organizing on each one. I also think each page should include a link to download the episode. Someone will need to go through later and see what added value they can provide in each show - pictures, links, forum references, etc.

Do The Laundry

spacemonkey101 — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 20:52:29 CDT

Song taken from the Broadway musical 'White Noise' and featured in episode 437, 'Obama has Aides'. Described by Patrick as 'the catchiest ************* thing I've ever heard in my life,' the song's hook, 'Do do do do, do do do, do the laundry' has become a sound clip on the show whenever racist material comes up.

Chewy Reviews TV

Anonymous — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 05:08:32 CDT

Chewy Reviews TV was a bit from the early age of NLO in which Patrick's dog Chewy watched TV shows and reviewed each one. Every review got a negative responce from Chewy.

Episode Number - Show Reviewed
Episode 001: A New Hope - Roseanne
Episode 002: Spam & Street People - Family Guy
Episode 004: A Star Is Born - The King of Queens
Episode 006: Precious Moments - Home Improvement
Episode 008: Breaking The Law - Married With Children
Episode 016: Chocolate & Child Abuse - World Series Of Poker 2003
Episode 076: Too Soon? - The Office

Kelly from Iowa

Anonymous — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 18:39:55 CDT

An overweight listener originally from Iowa (hence the moniker) currently living in Pennsylvania, she has called in several times and been spoofed on a few times by the guys for her weight, but they always temper their comments with love afterwards. She's been the first one to get an NLO-related tattoo, of the NLO Onion, on her ankle. She's kellybutton on the forums.

Appearances

(Please note, this list is not all-inclusive!)

Episode 244: Show Savior - Opening voicemail: "Patriiiiick, I love youuuuu!"

Episode 265: Windshear - 62:35 - "From Kelly R******... this letter will redeem me." She had a dream about Patrick - strangely, she met him in Thailand! After he was done recording a show, Patrick exited the studio and told her that he's not the man he is on the show! They went back to his place where she started giving him a massage... Patrick said that he wanted Kelly and him to go work out in the yard for a while. So they went outside and she started raking the yard. Patrick went out to this girl on the sidewalk and bought something from her; Patrick went to Kelly and said, "I want to be with you, but I want you to take something first..." Patrick opened his hand and there were some gel strips, revealed to be meth! But Patrick said it was all right, it would get her high, and then they could make love. Kelly took two in her mouth, Patrick three and they started kissing very passionately... He led her inside and stripped her down, and climbed into bed with her and started ******* her hard... She said that it hurt, but that she liked it to hurt... (Johnny interjected, "And then he let me be on top and it didn't hurt as bad... Not his dick, but my spleen had shattered from the pressure--" Chef: "Her rectum.") He kept going, but he couldn't ***, as much as he tried (Patrick: "Yeah, have you seen your picture?" And a round of laughs, but Patrick recanted: "No, I'm joking, you're very lovely.") She asked him what was wrong; he said she was 'too wet'. (Patrick says there's no such thing as 'too wet'. It's like sticking your dick in a jar of jelly; there's no scenario in which it wouldn't feel good, and with a name like Smucker's, it has to be good). Then Kelly woke up -- stupid morning -- but it was a good dream nonetheless.

Episode 267: True Romantic - At the beginning, another voicemail, this one reminding us rather indignantly to vote for NLO at Podcast Alley.

Episode 270: Tickle Me Emo - Another voicemail - "Pantswise, NLO has made me a racist! SKIDOOOO!"

Episode 302: Cuddle Party - 45:15 - Kelly is the FIRST get the NLO tattoo on her ankle! Yay!

Episode 315: Czech Yourself - 14:55 - Kelly applied for Date Chef! Chef thinks Kelly is nice, but not really his type... he's not really into girls of... larger stature.
As a side story, Chef did sleep with a larger girl, and Johnny B does know about her. He estimated her as about 200+ pounds and now 'teetering the 3-mark', her name rhymes with "Scary"... They keep badgering Chef about who was on top, but he eventually ended up crying himself to sleep. He did, however, ***.
Unfortunately Chef decided not to pursue Kelly at this time. But Johnny said, if he were single, he'd throw it at her, because she's a very sweet girl.

Episode 321: Gert - At the beginning, a voicemail: this time Kelly (it is assumed) hums the opening bars to Mozart's Eine Kleine Nachtmusik, then ends up with "Showgram."

Episode 339: Penile Property - Right near the beginning, Patrick is apparently depressed because Kelly (in another voicemail) bought Patrick's **** mold and says that she owns his penis.

Episode 394: Space Train - 38:40 - a Cringe Moment, concerning an accidental fishhook orchiectomy (ripping the ballsack open, actually)

Episode 400: Sad Clown Music - 60:50 or thereabouts - I don't think her name was mentioned, but they did say things about large people and tattoos, so... maybe an oblique reference?

Episode 420: Houston Has a Problem - NLO shirts don't come in 5X, apparently, but Kelly isn't THAT big. Patrick asks Kelly, if she can see how funny it is when they're calling her fat when they're gigantic... They do love Kelly... from a distance...

Episode 425: Gravy Dick - 8:32 - the guys, in saying that they don't care what users look like, say that we could look awful, like Kelly, like if Kelly and Bigfoot had a baby; Patrick asked, how mean are we being to Kelly, since she's one of NLO's biggest fans; Johnny responded by asking how mean are we being to Bigfoot to assume he'd **** Kelly. But again the ribbing is good-natured, and the guys end up with nothin' but love. Patrick mentions that the other day, Kelly sent Patrick a donation for London. The guys really think Kelly is the best, with Patrick saying she should make a movie... "Kelly-overfield!" Mention's made of the fact she just moved to Pennsylvania (though they say Philadelphia).

Episode 434: Macaroni Salad - 74:52 - Right at the beginning of the discussion about YouTube user SinfullySara (btw, Sara looks like she probably ATE Kelly, perhaps Kelly was one of her hors d'ouveurs), Kelly is mentioned; she apparently had a friend who wanted to go to London with Johnny, but Johnny's not allowed to go. 84:06 - Kelly called Sara fat in the chatroom.

NLO Episode 426: Never Say Sorry

Anonymous — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 15:40:03 CDT

WARNING: SPOILERS

Oh, hello, Internet. We’d forgotten you were there. We’re back from our week off with fresh minds and clean hearts. We bring you a peace offering of a show that is nearly two hours long and packed with hilarious content. The hosts are well rested and busting at the seams with funny. Or bacon. We can’t be too sure. The point is your favorite show is back and better than ever. We’ve got lots of ideas and the new website has renewed our spirit and ignited our passion. We’ve got some good things in the pipe, and if you’ve seen our pipe, you know just how many good things it can hold. Enjoy, and thanks for being so patient. We knew you’d understand.

Patrick, Johnny B, and Dagre crack wise.

*Adam & Eve ad*
*Opening Skit: Rocker in Recording Studio*
*Funky electronic intro music*
2:20 Patrick mentions the new website http://nobodylikesonions.com/ and introduces Johnny B and Dagre
2:53 *Funky electronic intro music continues*
3:14 Patrick points out he's glad to be back in Tampa. Not necessarily Florida though

5:47 Patrick relates a story of his encounter with some "hicks" and tea.

7:56 Introduction of a new character voice "hick"

9:39 Patrick tells a story of using stickers to promote the show while on the road. And who gets a sticker and who doesn't.

10:22 Johnny B relates a sticker story.

11:20 Patrick to Johnny: "Can we talk about the thing that happened with your ex wife?"

12:05 Johnny "If you follow me on twitter, I post a lot more when I'm probably drinkin, than I probably should."

13:23 Patrick mentions someone he isn't thrilled with.

14:04 Patrick mentions the power went out at his place recently when trying to do a show.

work in progress

Episode 442: Obama is a Racist

BuffaloX8 — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 00:15:14 CDT

We’re joined in the studio by a special observer. Kristin, the girl Dagre was too busy getting his oil changed to give the business while in Mississippi, is visiting from Gulfport and Dagre is showing her a good time. Or is he? We discuss Dagre’s dating strategy and offer up some suggestions. We also talk about the recent Glenn Beck scandal, and why we defend his right to call Obama a racist. We finish up with some feedback from you, the fans, and call it a day.

SHOW INGREDIENTS:

0:00:00 - 0:00:14 - AdamEve.com advertisement
0:00:15 - 0:02:26 - Thank You for Being a Friend Dagre Remix
0:02:27 - 0:04:03 - Intro
0:04:04 - 0:24:36 - "Are you trying to sabotage this relationship?"
0:24:37 - 0:27:58 - Message from Unknown: Bacon stuffed Waffles
0:27:59 - 0:30:55 - "How's your running and weight loss going?"
0:30:56 - 0:34:43 - Email from John: Londonese to English Dictionary for EPISODE
0:34:44 - 0:35:45 - Kristin
0:35:46 - 0:46:40 - The Glenn Beck incident
0:46:41 - 0:50:09 - Faggy kid names
0:50:10 - 0:55:05 - Toddlers in Tiaras
0:56:06 - 0:57:39 Message from Unknown: Looking for direction in my life
0:57:40 - 1:00:26 - Outro

Quotes:

0:04:24 - Johnny B - I have no idea what's going on.
Patrick - Well, Dagre- you do have an idea of what's going on, 'cause it's in the room. The elephant in the room *fake laugh*
Johnny B - ... I thought we weren't talking about me.

0:06:37 - Johnny B - I've bumped into him [Dagre] in like four different Cracker Barrels across the country. Ironically.
Patrick - Bumped into him?
Johnny B - Yeah, he's always there, like working.
Patrick - Apparently so are you.

0:06:50 - Patrick - I don't want to make this a big, long drawn out embarrassing thing... your personal life is your personal life.
Johnny B - It [i]was[/i].

0:11:10 - Johnny B - You have to understand, there's nothing to do in Tampa. We're a tiny little town... There's nothing in Orlando, I mean, Florida's pretty boring.

0:14:26 - Dagre - Well she's going to Europe too, so-
Patrick - Yeah that's gonna be really awkward when she brings another guy.
Johnny B - Just promise her fun in three months.

0:15:09 - Patrick - If this is how you treat a girl you like, what do you do when you're not interested in the relationship?

0:16:58 - Johnny B - Don't take her to the Skyway, she's liable to jump off it after hanging out with [u]you[/u] for two days

0:17:59 - Patrick - Wouldn't an activity be fun?
*Kristen Nods*
Patrick - ...She's just told you she's bored as fuck with you.
Dagre - Right, that's, that's the nod.

0:20:23 - Patrick - She'll be gone, fucking a black guy in Mississippi... and you'll be balls deep in your own fist

0:21:28 - Johnny B - Take her to Medieval Times

0:26:53 - Johnny B - Here's an idea that's been working for manymany years: howbout I just fucking have the bacon on the [i]side[/i] of my waffles?

0:27:59 - *Johnny B is talking about McGriddles*
Dagre - How's your how's your running and weight loss going?

0:33:54 - John via Email - A wanker: A rotund gentleman of questionable work ethic who enthuses for months about travel to London only to discover he is a pussy-whipped faggot

0:38:09 - Dagre - And how many of them [the blacks] really have insurance?
Patrick - Right. You don't need insurance on a stolen vehicle.

0:38:15 - Johnny (in a black voice) - Fuck Sargento I been eatin' government cheese for years it delicious!

0:44:47 - Johnny B - George Bush doesn't like black people for the same reason most people don't like 'em - Because they're black!
*Long, long, long silence*

0:46:42 - Patrick - We were out last night havin' a few drinks. Everybody except Johnny. I like to call it "The London Group."

0:49:17 - Patrick - She's pretty fuckin' old. Let's cut her open and count the rings.

0:49:59 - Patrick - You give you kid a name with a Z? He's never gonna be able to go into a Spencer's Gifts and find a name with his mug on it.

0:51:11 - Johnny B - I'm not even allowed to be in the audience of a fuckin' beauty pageant.

0:52:50 - Patrick - They just make Maverick feel good, like, they're like, get in some pictures with your brother! but there's no film, the photographer's just going *Patrick makes camera noises*

0:57: - Johnny B - Why don't we start with something small, like talking?
Patrick - Right, howbout you try not to sound like a serial killer?

Trivia:

This episode was recorded around the time when the 4th Marathon Show was planned. Dagre mentioned that he would be having this "interesting weekend" back at the end of 438.
Guess Kristin's Surname
What dates should Dagre go on with Kristin?
Here's a picture of the "The Turkey O'Toole" and "The Monte Cristo"
Patrick used the bad firework analogy just a few episodes ago in episode 439
The book Freakonomics talked about faggy kid and black kid names in the last chapter. It's a good read, check it out.

Nobody Likes Onions 442: Obama is a Racist
Hosts: Patrick, Johnny B, Dagre, Kristin sits in
Date: 8-17-2009 Live: No
Length: 1:00:26 Size: 41.9 MB

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Episode 439: Butterfly Rainforest

BuffaloX8 — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 19:47:57 CDT

Episode 439: Butterfly Rainforest

Patrick is being completely silly, and the only one around to put up with his nonsense is Dagre. He sits very patiently as Patrick plays with his gum, drinks loudly, spouts off ideas for businesses, and speculates about what mermaids call their ejaculate. Sure, they try to do some news stories and voicemails, and get on track, but Patrick’s complete lack of ability to focus keeps them from doing anything but making balloon porn and talking about Duck Tales. You’ll see what we mean.
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SHOW INGREDIENTS

0:00:00 - 0:00:15 - AdamEve.com advertisement
0:00:16 - 0:00:23 - Opening Clip ("Nobody Likes Onions: We pretend to care about our listeners better than any other show")
0:00:24 - 0:01:56 - Intro
0:01:57 - 0:02:17 - Patrick's gum
0:02:18 - 0:03:33 - New Mods needed
0:03:34 - 0:12:41 - Duck Tales! (A-whoo-ooo)
0:12:42 - 0:13:56 - Fistbook
0:13:47 - 0:17:19 - Podcast Consulting Company (Podtesticular)
0:17:20 - 0:20:44 - Taking advantage of Twitter
0:20:45 - 0:28:44 - Making baloon animals for money
0:28:25 - 0:29:03 - Blogging
0:29:04 - 0:30:12 - Midget wrestlers killed in hooker romp
0:30:13 - 0:34:58 - The handicapped and their bathrooms
0:34:59 - 0:35:34 - Dagre and the Airplane Toilet
0:35:35 - 0:36:44 - "Are you on drugs?"
0:36:45 - 0:37:10 - Back to the midget talk
0:37:11 - 0:37:38 - Man claims stripper permanently injured him (video is on the right, skip to 36 seconds in)
0:37:39 - 0:38:23 - "Who's the biggest celebrity you've ever met?"
0:38:24 - 0:39:16 - Barkley Golfing redux
0:39:17 - 0:43:15 - Butterfly Rainforest
0:43:16 - 0:44:04 - Mermen/Semen/Seamen
0:44:05 - 0:45:26 - Patrick's new quiz show
0:45:27 - 0:46:09 - London Food: Who cares?
0:46:10 - 0:47:14 - Is it gay? (To cum on your face accidentally)
0:47:15 - 0:49:19 - "If I was a bird, I would absolutely be jackin' off when I flew"
0:49:20 - 0:49:25 - The verdict: Not gay
0:49:26 - 0:49:44 - Unknown personal call
0:49:45 - 0:49:51 - Do otters have a pussy?
0:49:52 - 0:51:17 - Message from BK: Is it gay? (To share a cat?)
0:51:18 - 0:53:40 - This or that?
0:53:41 - 0:54:10 - Patrick plays with his pump
0:54:11 - 0:55:27 - More bird talk
0:55:28 - 0:57:03 - Message from Matt: Why not to use babies as urinals
0:57:04 - 0:59:40 - Outro

Quotes:

0:03:17 - Patrick - Like some asshole just comes along "you suck, this sucks, everything sucks, God sucks, your mom sucks, I heard you suck." That's not helping anyone. So Me, I get a lot of infractions.

0:03:33 - Patrick - I'm thinkin' about changing my forum name to be more incognito.
Dagre - So people don't know that it's Patrick?
Patrick - Yeah, I'll just change it to Launchpad McQuack.

0:04:05 - Patrick - No girl ever starts dating me and then gets mad at me for getting fat. You went into this knowing

0:05:35
*Duck Tales theme begins playing*
Dagre - Oooh Shit...
*Patrick begins singing along*

0:09:09 - Patrick - I'm gonna change my name to "Launchpad McQuack" on the forums. And I'ma change yours to "Flintheart Glomgold"

0:10:56 - Patrick - Ducktales treasure of the lost- *Suddenly excited* I remember this episode uh the Bermuda Triangle Episode... I gotta find it. There's a mummy chasing them in the pyramids.
Dagre - That's in the intro!
Patrick - And they're running on like a brick road that's
Together - crumbling behind them

0:11:36 - Scrooge McDuck - It's as safe as my safe! *Laughs*
Patrick - He was always bragging about how safe his safe was but he got robbed every week.

0:14:37 - Patrick - I'd have quips and saying

0:18:44 Dagre - But I don't understand your idea.
Patrick - OK. Do you have a website with millions of people on it?
Dagre - No.
Patrick - Do I?
Dagre - No.
Patrick - Does Twitter?
Dagre - Yes.
Patrick - Let's use that one!

0:21:04 - Patrick - What's the smallest bill [that you have on you]?

Dagre - A hundred.
Patrick - Gimme it.
Dagre - No. For what?
Patrick - A baloon animal.
Dagre - No.
Patrick - Do you not think I'll make you one?
Dagre - I don't think you'll make be one... 'cause I don't think you have any baloons here.
Patrick - Ooooh, SHIT!
Dagre - Oh fuck you do.
Patrick - What color? What color? What color?

0:22:18 - Dagre - You got a pump too.
Patrick - Bitch I'm not gonna be blowin''em! You know how many balloons I'm gonna be making for Twitter? Twanimals. Balloon Twanimals!

0:27:17 - Patrick - Watch what I do. I'll change, it'll make my voice-
Dagre - It's not helium dumbass!

0:38:08 - Patrick - Like does Shaq ever come in [to Cracker Barrel] and go "I gots to get me some pecan pie"

0:41:15 - Patrick - No! Do you know how habitats work? We have a bird habitat that is gigantic and holds birds, and then the birds built a butterly habitat and that's what they go in and see. What do you think birds do on their day off?

0:42:25 - Dagre - But what do the fucking butterflies make?... Butterfly Graveyard?

0:42:57 - Dagre - I really hope this is not your first time listening to NLO

0:47:36 - Dagre - But what if you needed your wings to take care of it?
Patrick - Planes can fly with only one engine. What if he's just up there doing circles?

0:50:15 - Patrick - I once had a roommate, and we split some pussy.

Patrick's Podtesticular Quips and Sayings:

Speak Up
Enhance your energy
Get a sponsor!
Is this recording?
If you got words in that mouth you'd best let 'em out!
If you got something to say, say it like a say-er!
We don't want no faggots behind the mike!
If you're gonna be smackin, might as well be chewing gums!
Don't pray on the air, your listeners might not be Christians!
Don't laugh if there ain't no funny!
Say it straight or don't say it at all!
C'mon, make some noise!
Don't make noises.
Says it or don't, but don't be not saysin it.
If there ain't no wisdom there'd might as well be no widening of the mouth before your talking starts
When wordles go flying, you'd better be trying, to speaka harder

Other Notes:

Hindi is spoken in both India and Fiji.
Neums was indeed De-modded when the show came out along with several other mods. He then went on the thread for this show and proceeded to tell everyone that he liked being a mod. Really. He prefers it this way.
NLO Facebook
#Twittertoes mentioned back in EPISODE
Purrrnce has expired since being mentioned back in 209. Purrnce, however, is alive and kicking.
At the time of release, there were an estimated 6 million users on Twitter. Twitter does not release user statistics at this time. Dagre guessed 2.3 Million, so he was way off.
Midgets have normal sized genitalia (huge by comparison). Just in case you were wondering.
Butterfly rainforest does, in fact, exist.
Butterflies do not spin silk. Silk worms spin silk.
The other shape which cannot fall into itself is the Reuleaux Triangle.
Most birds do not have penises. Penii is an incorrect pluralization of penis. Penes, however is correct.
Dagre's "interesting weekend" would later turn out to be him having his gal-pal Kristin over. This would later be discussed on 442

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Nobody Likes Onions 439: Butterfly Rainforest
Hosts: Patrick and Dagre
Date: 8-3-2009 Live: No
Length: 0:59:40 Bitrate: 96kbps
Size: 41.2 MB Stereo: Yes

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NLO 439: Not-So-Funny People

nlo — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 23:45:25 CDT

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Product Mentions

Anonymous — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 04:20:43 CDT

Otterbox for iPhone

NLO 439: Not-So-Funny People - 6:02 - 6:40 - Patrick and Johnny B banter about the Otterbox, which Johnny is still rockin', but Patrick has gone off in favor of the InCase.

InCase for iPhone

NLO 439: Not-So-Funny People - 6:20 - Patrick tries a pair of QuietComfort 'phones.

Sennheiser PXC350 & Bose QuietComfort

NLO 439: Not-So-Funny People -6:40 - 9:10 and12:01 - 17:30 - Patrick plays audio from a YouTube noise canceling showdown.

Roy Johnson

Anonymous — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 23:03:04 CDT

Roy Johnson was a frequent guest host on NLO. He, like Patrick, is a stand-up comic, and has known Patrick since he started comedy. The two are good friends, and Roy is well-liked by many fans as well. He has released a comedy album, Love Notes From The True Romantic, which is in the NLO store at a discount price as a gift for listeners.

Roy was born in New York and raised in Oklahoma. He lived in Tampa for a number of years, developing roots in the local comedy scene, and later moved to New York City. He has recently returned to the Tampa area. In 2006 Roy won the Maxim/Bud Light Real Men of Comedy Competition in Atlantic City.

Patrick has stated in recent episodes that NLO and Roy Johnson have parted ways for the forseeable future due to the fight that occured in episode 383 where Roy punched Patrick IN THE HIS FACE.

List of In-Studio Appearances

Episode 206: N-Word To Your Mother
Episode 207: Gilmore Girls
Episode 249: Black Dick Tracy
Episode 250: Baseball Monorail
Episode 256: Skidoo
Episode 257: Edible Headables
Episode 260: Chillow
Episode 267: True Romantic
Episode 271: Reigns and Roles
Episode 279: The Be Nice Show
Episode 300: Burning Bridges
Episode 308: Guy Gifts
Episode 313: The Average White Guy
Episode 334: Pissing Off Friends
Episode 336: Critiquing Comedy
Episode 337: Nobody Puts Baby in a Microwave
Episode 339: Penile Property
Episode 340: Best Friends My Ass
Episode 341: Fake Fucks
Episode 342: Ways of Women
Episode 343: Jumping For Jesus

Episode 348: Falling Starr

Episode 352: Mod Squad

Episode 353: Spirits and Spooks

Episode 355: Obama Drama

Episode 366: Myah
Episode 367: Google This

Episode 368: Calling In Gay

Episode 369: Blackbird

Links

Roy's Myspace
Love Notes From The True Romantic at the NLO Store

Roy "Hollywood" Johnson

Guest Host: July 2007 - Present
Catchphrases: "Skidoo", "Myah"

Racist Whistle

EazyCheeze — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 08:11:57 CDT

A song that first appeared on Episode 97: R34LI7Y. The whistling part of the song later became known as the racist whistle. This was played when someone made a racist remark.

The song is called "The Whistling Coon" and is originally performed by George W. Johnson.

It has long since been replaced with a clip of "The Monkees".